Yesterday Master came to my house. After nearly eight months of meeting in hotels and chatting online or on the phone, this was to say the least, unique!

It was also dangerous. My son was home at the time and while i knew he would sleep through, there was still that element of ‘what if we get caught?’ He didn’t wake up. I knew he wouldn’t. He slept through a floor installation in the past. The kid sleeps like the dead. He’s a teenager. I think they all sleep like that.

So Master pulled in the drive, me watching from my bedroom window, waiting. He went into the garage and closed the door. I met him downstairs as he came through the door to the kitchen. Seeing him standing there was surreal. I was instantly both nervous and weak in the knees, not to mention wet. He took me in his arms and held me for awhile. Anytime Master comes i feel those things but all seemed magnified here yesterday.

Soon his hand was in my hair and i was brought to my knees before him on my very own kitchen floor. The breathlessness started. Looking up into his very deep, dark brown eyes i was totally one with him.

I find it interesting that that happens so quickly when Master arrives. Every single meeting without fail, upon Master’s arrival and within minutes i am transformed from just me to this totally submissive, totally Owned being. I could no more refuse Master than jump off my roof and fly. No other has ever had this effect on me. Delightful. Addictive. Centering. Perfect.

Master took the tour and soon we were in my bedroom. My bedroom and on my bed. mine and J’s bed. That was sooooo, taboo. I must be the worst person in the world, i thought. Bringing another man into my marriage bed.

I struggle with that from time to time. Not as much as in the past. In the past, it wracked me up even entertaining the thought of being with another man. The thought that god would punish me or something equally chilling. But marriage with J has been slowly regressing over the years. If not for the kids, there would be no marriage. That’s what living with a depressive, sometimes verbally abusive drug-and-alcohol-using man will do to a person. This marriage has been sucking the life and spirit out of me for far too long. I am running out of time, and certainly do not have time for guilt. In this regard, i suppose, i am taking charge of at least one part of my life after many years of being the dutiful, submissive wife.

Perhaps this taking charge is very un-slave-like behavior. It’s such a paradox. And a challenge. I am to be this totally submissive, totally obedient slave to one man, while being totally autonomous with the other. It’s like walking a tightrope at times. Though, there is very little fight coming from the husband. It’s as if he has given up on life in general and been that way for some years. He never did have control of me, even when i begged him to take it. It’s just not in his general make-up to want to do something like that. And in fact, he has always looked to me to be the strong one. Isn’t that a kicker? But taking charge of his household, his kids, his wife, that just was not something J would/could ever do. He preferred the much easier role of following, and as such, someone has to lead; it was left to me. A scary prospect at times. I see Master smiling as he reads this…. Scary indeed.

But lead i did. For many, many years.  We were both living in pretty unhappy homelife situations and clung to each other for support. It was me and J against the world back then. But i, came from a very traditional background, where the wife submits to her husband and things basically revolve around him. J came from a similar background; a middle child; and while his brothers are very dominant, he never turned out that way. J’s brothers were very into sports and j was pushed in the same direction. Sports were never something he excelled at and as a result he felt a failure and like he could never be what his parents wanted him to be.

For a submissive to lead is not an easy task. I always worked, handled the bills, made most of the decisions and asked J’s input into the larger decisions, explaining their effect on our life as i saw it. But at the same time, sought out ways to be a pleasing wife; putting J’s wants/needs always ahead of my own. Trouble is, when there is no resistance from above me, i push. I pushed for things i thought important. Mainly to do with the kids. And while our lifestyle with regards to raising the kids may have not been what J always wanted, i feel good now looking back on some of the choices i made. I made them because i felt strongly and no one was able to stop me making them. If J had been Dominant, things would have likely been a lot different.

I am probably an enigma in terms of being submissive because of the fact that i do tend to have a strong will and dominant personality. But it seems if there is one stronger present and having influence, i back down immediately; especially if i respect that One. Then i settle happily into submissive mode. I can’t say that being dominant in my marriage has been very helpful or even what i wanted. It naturally evolved from a lack of leadership. At least that’s how i see it.

But, and i do apologize, i digress.

And so Master was in my bedroom, taking me, on my bed. And i, trying to be “quiet” so as not to disturb the sleeping teenager in his room across the hall. That was hard! Master was giving it all he had in terms of trying to make me cry out i think. At one point his cock made a nice gag and i sucked it wildly to keep from screaming out; not in pain, but in ecstasy.

The morning flew by, and even though i was fairly exhausted from lack of sleep, and working the night before, i was exhilarated. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I still do. Nothing and no One has ever touched me this way before. The depth and scope of the effects of Master’s Ownership are heretofore unknown to this slave and as such, give great cause for frequent reflection. For this reason, i started this blog. Welcome any readers. Most of all, welcome Master. i know this is going to benefit me of course, but more importantly U/us.