Eeeesh, what a night.

My body is reacting to the stress of this upcoming test, i think. Mega tummy trouble. i’ve been miserable the last few days because of it. i wish it was past Wednesday. i’m not used to being in school and studying and test taking. In fact, it has been a long, long time since i had to take a test of this significance. If i fail, i have to reimburse my employer the $400 it is costing them for me to get certified. You’d think that would be motivation enough to want to pass. And it is. Plus my Master-motivation. I feel about as prepared as i ever will be, still my nerves are making me miserable.

And Master is busy doing i am not sure what today, working i guess. I know he’ll be around sometime to talk to, but at times like this, when i feel phsyically unwell and mentally unsettled i wish he were at hand to talk to. But, it is not that long Master’s even been in my life, relatively-speaking, and i have been my own support system as it were for a very long time. I will survive, lol. I just miss Him.

Part-time M/s relationships are hard. i bet a very large percentage of them fail. You have to be extremely committed as a slave to succeed in this type of relationship. Even M/s couples who live together have to be committed and work hard. Heck, even vanillas have to work hard. Everyone has to work hard at these intimate relationships, but i think a lot of things have to be in place in order for the part-time M/s ones to at least survive and at best, to thrive.

I’m not even sure what all needs to be in place, as my brain is like bean dip right now, but i know my Master is mindful of what i need to keep me enslaved to Him. I constantly crave his presence and to please Him. I work hard on this relationship. As hard as i’ve ever worked on anything; As hard as i worked to endure nursing school. Hard as i worked to raise those babies when successions of sleepless nights walking colicky infants left me near exhaustion; As hard as i work now caring for extremely ill patients   who are sometimes dying. And so while we do not reside together, there is still a whole lot of effort going into the maintenance of the M/s dynamic W/we have together. There has to be. Or it would fold and crumble.

It is not folding, nor crumbling; it is thriving. And that keeps me going. That spurs me to continue on in the hard work of being mindful of my role. I believe this relationship is bringing out the best in me. So all the struggling, all the lonliness, all the hard work is all 100% worth every second. It’s like building my slave muscle. Working daily, even moment by moment to maintain pleasing conduct is making me into a well-discplined slave for Master. He can see this and He can lavish in the credit He deserves for the positive results in His property. Well done Master. I couldn’t do it without you. i’m proud of myself for the growth and positive changes.

Perhaps not residing together is even more of a challenge in building slave muscle. There is not that constant ongoing stream of feedback. There are lots of lonely moments we just have to go on an informed faith that we are walking the path our Masters would choose for us. Communication becomes even more key, since it is more limited.

I suppose there are different types of strengths built in a non-residential M/s relationship as opposed to a residential type one. Living together presents its own brand of challenges. i surely know this from my near 25 years of vanilla marriage. And so if my Master and i ever do cohabit, we will be that much more ahead from having had this experience together as part/time non-residential Master and slave. With good, solid communication in place, and strong self-motivation on my part, perhaps some of the hard work for Master will be behind him then.

I may only see Master part time, but i live as His slave 100% of the time. Master has seen well to put that in place for me. Master is very skilled at his role in this relationship. The best thing is, that i can rest feeling assured that whatever problems or situations arise that i don’t know how to handle, i can simply lay them at Master’s feet and He will provide me with His direction. Simply put, i have never had this experience at any time in my life. Even as a child i always felt i had to handle things on my own. What a relief; what an absolute joy for me to be my Master’s slave!

Which leaves me again at the point of knowing what a truly lucky Owned slave i am. *smile*