I want to see my Master. More specifically, i want to be in his presence, looking into his endless eyes, feeling his strength; feeling my helplessness; feeling his power; feeling my powerlessness; feeling his pain; feeling his pleasure.

Something i have noticed is that when Master is inflicting heavy pain on me, i don’t seem to go to any sort of sub-space that is widely talked about. I seem to be present every moment of the pain experience. It doesn’t peak into an orgasmic or disembodied floaty high for me; not ever. Not yet at least. And i wonder why that is? There are certainly times in my past masochistic (though i staunchly deny being a masochist, lol) experiences where some type of pain activity hurt a lot, and after awhile, it began to hurt less. Or to be more precise, the pain leveled off and took on a sort of tolerableness. But it never came to that floaty, endorphin producing rush that is so oft spoken of in BDSM circles.

I’ve read that this type of experience can manifest itself in persons who deal with any type of chronic pain. Their bodies are rather desensitised to the pain. There is no endorphin rush for these types of subs/slaves during heavy pain sessions. However, i do not fit into that category as i never had nor do i now have any chronic pain syndrome. Perhaps my pain limit has yet to be pushed to the breaking point, so to speak. I don’t know. I have relatively little experience with Another inflicting any great deal of pain on me.

Just something i was thinking about today.

I do find it interesting that no two subs/bottoms/slaves are alike in this regard. Interesting. And definitely something worthwhile for any slave Owners to explore with their property. More on this perhaps in a future post.

Today was a tired day. Work was pretty busy. My employer has seen fit to increase the workload of each nurse by giving us a higher nurse to patient ratio. Like anything else, it will take some getting used to. I just did simple chores around the house today, hung out with my son and his friends a little bit, talked with some friends on the telephone a little bit, hung out with my daughter a bit as well, and now i’m seriously thinking about getting a headstart on my nap for the evening. Especially if work is going to be a repeat of last night. I need to get rested up for that again.

Night night Master. *kiss*