I’m sick.

It hit me near the end of doing devotion yesterday. There i was, up on my knees, hands clasped behind my head and wearing my blindfold (so i don’t peek at how many minutes are remaining), and i began to feel weak and noticed sweat pouring off my face. Now, ordinarily, devotion doesn’t produce this type of response in me. Tears, yes, stiffness, numbness, pain, yes, but sweating? Never.

As soon as the timer went off, and thankfully that came very soon, i stripped off everything i was wearing and cracked open the windows slightly and put the fans on. I laid down to try and cool my very hot body. I was so hot. And nauseated. And my head was spinning. In short, i was getting very ill very fast.

I laid there awhile, then thought about the dinner i had in the crock pot that i knew wasn’t going to be served. I slipped down and shut it off, came back up, set my alarm for an hour and a half and eased my now freezing body back into bed and under the covers. Closing my eyes, i drifted off to sleep quickly.

Upon waking i went back downstairs to put dinner in the fridge. I opened my laptop and finished the post i had started earlier and sent it off, then realized i still wasn’t well. I ran to the bathroom and well, it continued from there on into the night.

This morning i feel weak and tired and still have fits of feeling chilled and hot. The rolls i had been making yesterday and popped into the fridge are failing to rise today. I think i killed the yeast. Oh well. The nice pork roast dinner that i promised my dad today will have to wait. I instead offered him chicken and dumplings, my abandoned crock pot meal from yesterday. That still has promise.

I feel disappointed with myself when i get sick. I cannot perform for my family as i would like. Moms can’t be sick. There is still laundry to do and meals to make and who is going to pick up the slack? Around here? Seldom anyone. They may bring me tylenol and a drink but my work will wait for me. That’s just the way it is.

And so today, as i drag myself down to the basement to put a load of wash in, hubby snoring in bed (at 2pm with the time change no less), i think it’s a good thing i am so strong. Someone has to keep this family going.