The flu bug lingers.

Got the official results of my certification test in the mail yesterday. They rank each portion of the test with a 1-4. 1 being well below average, 2, below average, 3 average, and 4 above average. I got 4’s on everything except for a cursed 2 in health promotion. Well, honestly, they only asked four questions on health promotion. I told Master my score and he wasn’t surprised.

“Health promotion, eh?” He knows i haven’t been to the dentist in……… ? years. (You do know that, don’t you Master?) Or that before meeting him my own kids had not been to the dentist in ? years. I can now proudly say that they have been to the dentist and are up to date with all the health promotion type stuff. (this coming from a nurse mind you) Why, i even got my daughter a flu shot over the weekend.

Well….

I tell you what? I have been spending a good bit of time reading a lot of others’ blogs this past weekend. There is some very good writing out there. I have added some of my favorites to my list at the sidebar. I hope ya’ll don’t mind. It’s nice hearing about how others process this lifestyle we choose to live. I say choose, because even as a slave, it was my choice to enter into such an agreement. I chose to submit to my Master and give up every other choice from that initial choosing point on. If that makes any sense, lol. The flu bug has muddled my brain. Master calls it the proverbial last choice. The choice to agree to His limits only, and basically give up every last vestige of control of anything even remotely pertaining to me. So now, being Owned, i ask permission to do anything; whether it has to do with choices i have to make about work, my kids, my clothes, my hair, my health. You name it. It isn’t my cunt to be making those decisions, as Master would say.

And can i talk about that word.?…….. the ‘c’ word i like to call it. That word is just soooo……. I dunno. Let’s just say i …….. it’s not that i’m a prude; but, ….. if Master made me speak like that all the time? And while he doesn’t actually make me use ‘dirty words’ like some Doms/Masters do, (at least he hasn’t done that much of that so far that i recall), hearing Master say them, hearing him refer to me in some real nasty term, like, cumdump, (ewww), it causes a certain response in me. Helplessness comes to mind. I sit there, take in a term like ‘My cunt’ (or worse) and think to myself, well, He is my Owner. He can call me anything He likes. It sort of seals the fact that i am not in charge. That i am possessed and in fact that i am a possession. I don’t know. I am probably not making any sense and do apologize for the rambling-ness of this post, but sometimes this stuff is on my mind and i don’t have anyplace else to put it so i let it spill out here.

One thing of note, i was brought up Baptist. The Bible-thumping, arms-waving-in-the-air sort of Baptist that really doesn’t even say hell or damn without fearing the wrath of God. So i have wandered off into the devil’s playground by now. My soul is doomed to be cast into the lake of fire or whatever. I should “give up all hope all ye who enter here” sort of thing. I’m toast. And while that life is far behind me in years now, there are still no doubt vestiges of it imprinted on my psyche. So, the ‘dirty words’, still make me almost want to hide an embarrassed giggle behind my hand sometimes. Call me old-fashioned, but that’s just the way i seem to be wired.

And Master knows this. He can decide to reprogram that part of me if he chooses. It’s not all THAT engrained in me anymore, and hey, in the throes of passion with Him, i might even be inclined to “talk dirty” all on my own. I never do, but i might. Sometimes i do feel like Master’s cunt; or fuckhole; or slut; or whatever He deems that i am that day. It’s nothing to be all embarrassed about. It’s actually something i am rather proud of. “You’ve come a long way baby” doesn’t even come close when i think of where i’ve been. I’ve evolved into an entirely different being altogether. One of Master’s creation. That thought alone wets my panties.