Some days, it is so, so hard to keep it all together.

I know what Master wants. I know what qualities he treasures in me. I know he appreciates my level of maturity. I usually do keep it together.

I have been keeping things together in my own household for many, many years. I have been the pillar. The rock. My husband calls me that. He says “you’re my rock”. Want to know a secret though? I really dislike being that rock sometimes. It’s a huge burden and a huge responsibility, and one i didn’t particularly ask for. I would do rather well as a right-hand man sort of gal. That’s a role i was meant to play. Not this rock thing. Sure, i can play the rock alright for awhile, until eventually, along comes one of those days when, as Master says, the bolts start to loosen and the wheels are coming off. (He said something like that anyway.) The rock begins to crumble.

Or does it?

I do feel things pretty intensely. I feel the good feelings probably more than most, and subsequently, i tend to feel the low feelings probably a bit lower than most. Not alllll the time, but many times. And i tend to dwell on negatives when i feel swallowed up in them. I find it difficult to see through to the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

This has been such a day.

I can easily contribute it to exhaustion coupled with hormones. Rotten luck we women have regarding those nasty little chemicals. But there it is. And it must be dealt with. And I really don’t relish bothering Master about it when it strikes. Yet i am torn. I am to lay everything at His feet. But i also can handle a good portion of my own stress in my own way.

Of course there is always chocolate. A delightful substance containing its own chemicals. Chocolate is good. And there is music. And there is focus. And we basically choose wherein to place our focus. Even if we don’t realize it, it is a choice. I am still learning this. But it is a wonderful realization. And it seems to have come from knowing my Master. Whether he is totally aware of this or not, i can’t say, but He has taught me more focus.

I can be an extremely focused person. Ask anyone who knows me. You can tell me something, and i can be looking right at you, but if you haven’t got my focus, i won’t hear a word you’re telling me. My mind could be a million miles off, and usually is. My mind is quite active and never stops. So if you haven’t grabbed my attention don’t expect me to hear you. I consciously choose where to direct my focus. So i do absorb a lot of information because i do invest all of my focus on the thought/task/conversation at hand. Once you have me, i am right there and i stay right there. I’m certain Master will attest to that. For He easily garners my intent focus the minute he walks into the room, and almost as quickly online. It really is amazing how He can do that with me.

The wonderful gift that Master has given me, and taught me to use for His purposes as well as my own benefit is the devotional time i do for Him every single day. I do twenty minutes of prescribed kneeling devotion time each day for Master. And on those occasions when i am getting off kilter i guess you could say, Master adds minutes here and there to help me refocus on Him and basically on what is important. I value those occasions immensely for the great help those additional minutes have given me. And so while it is time for Him, i see how important the time is for me as well. Everything inside of me settles and centers. It’s wonderful.

I’ve not practiced meditation before, but i imagine it’s quite similar to this devotion time i spend for Master each day. Now today, well, today was just not a good day. My day was going along, and i realized i had not given Master His time. So i settled on my knees, hands behind my head, blindfold keeping my mind from any distractions, and i focused. I focused on being His and what that means. And i realized that that is all i need. I don’t need to worry about being this big pillar of strength here at my house. I don’t need to worry about anything at all really, for i have a capable, loving, strong Owner who is in control. That alone settled me right down. It was nearly the end of the twenty minutes when it hit me, so i stayed there on my knees a bit longer to absorb it. I feel so much better now.

Master has promised to call so we could discuss some of what was bothering me, but now i feel soo soo much better that when He does call, it won’t be me falling apart on the telephone. It will be a much more calm woman with the single-minded purpose of being His Owned property bathing her psyche today. A much happier call to be on the other end of to be sure.