Okay, i have spent my fair share of time in chat rooms, specifically bdsm chat rooms. One day a discussion caught my attention. Some guy was talking about branding his girl. He said she orgasmed for something like an hour when he did it. The other girls in the chat room were giving him a hard time saying he was all full of himself because no one would react that way to that amount of pain. He said this girl did and does. That backhanding her, sending her flying across the room has her wet and begging him for more. To us, that seems abusive. To her, it makes her wet and hot and they are basically a perfect couple. He is quite sadistic and enjoys inflicting pain in the form of electrical play, etc, and this girl apparently gets off on a great deal of pain. At least to hear him tell it. So the discussion began as far as what is considered abuse? If the person is enjoying it, is it abuse? It seems that the definition is a very subjective one. I think it was decided that it is up to the person on whom it is being inflicted to say whether or not it is abuse. I’d say that is a pretty good definition.

But it got me to thinking. What sorts of things get me wet and turned on? What are my deepest, darkest fantasies?

I have often fantasized about being owned by a very strict, very controlling, very Domineering man. But this man is always in control of himself. He is not acting out of anger. He would include hard use of me; not only spankings, but beatings. I wouldn’t enjoy being beaten over all parts of my body as I don’t think I could take it, but about the bottom, thighs, front and back sure. The breast torture, bondage, whipping, no. I don’t think I would get off on that. Being tied up, arms over my head and whipped, yes; I do fantasize about that. Being restrained in any position and given marks, stripes, bruises, beyond red skin, welts, little open nicks, deep soreness that lasts more than a few days, that stuff excites me. Call me a sicko, but it just does. Being used hard sexually too; I would not want to be bleeding from the use, but certainly being treated roughly in the bedroom would make me hot. Rough and passionate. Not meanness. Take me by the hair, throw me on the bed, bind me, fuck me, control every second of the encounter. Do not allow me to control any single thing. I want to be forced to surrender. I won’t give in easily unless my will is taken away from me by force. That sort of scene sends me into near orgasm. Yes, a slap on the face is alright. No, I don’t want to be sent flying across the room from it. I don’t want black eyes or a bloody lip. I do want to know I am not in charge. I want to know it in a big way. Otherwise I will not be able to be my most submissive. I will take him for a wimp.

Being treated like property.

While I am not certain I like the sound of that notion, something draws me in. I don’t think of it as abuse, because men who really cherish some piece of property they own are likely to take very good care of it. Like a cherished car, or even a pet. I want to be that cherished pet. Although I know men who would never abuse their pets the way I want to be used/abused. But knowing a slave enjoys that sort of treatment and that it gets her close to cumming makes it easier because her Owner knows that to her it is not abuse, but a means to a pleasurable end for the both of them. Even the branding I might concede to, though it would not send me to multiple orgasms. I want to be able to bear things a Master might want to do to me. So that tends to be a strong motivator which gets me to try different “extreme” things, like the breast bondage that makes the breasts swollen and purple. It is not a turn on for me, but for some Masters it certainly is. And if I, as his property can do that for him, I want to. Is it my dark desire? Only to be pleasing; that would be as far as that would go. I think though, that once some treatment like that is OVER, then yes, I find I am wetter than before it started. So during some of these extreme activities, I might not seem to be enjoying myself, certainly they are quite painful, but extreme pain is quite cathartic in more ways than one. The pain causes a rush of endorphins and as you know, they can have a morphine-like effect. That is probably why just thinking about such things gets me excited.

I fantasize about dungeon scenes. Torture of someone in captivity; Not too severe though. I hate watching people being tortured in movies. Makes me want to change the channel. But string her up, whip her, then kiss her as she cries, yes. Very hot. Don’t leave her hanging up there all day though. Let her down right after. Crawling on her hands and knees while you whip her butt making her crawl faster until she falls, tired and can’t go anymore, you whipping her still to goad her on. Very hot. Then you have mercy on her and take her to bed and fuck her brains out; Maybe punish her for not meeting your expectations crawling fast enough. Also very hot. Make her stay naked all day, you wear a crop on your belt and use it at your will for no reason at all; Very hot. Let her be yours to use at any moment; Bend her over and fuck her any time of day or night. Grab her hair and make her suck you off at 2am because you can’t sleep; Very hot. But always reward her. She is a good slave and you appreciate that. Keep her orgasming frequently. Keep her always exicted. Put a remote control vibe on her and take her out. Attach a collar to her neck and leash and run the leash down her front, up under her cunt, up her back and out to your waiting hand and take her for a walk. If she is not walking beside you close enough, give a little tug on her leash, all very discreetly, but she will feel it rubbing into her cunt as the two of you are walking. Take her to eat in a restaurant and keep her bottom naked underneath her skirt; Have her sit bare bottom on the seat and use the remote control vibe to stimulate her clit while you are dining. Revel in the control you have over here while no one else in the room can tell you are getting her off just sitting there. Or can they?

Make her go outside nude to run and cut her own switch if she is misbehaving. Who cares if the neighbors can see? She will think twice about sassing you next time. Make her stand or kneel nude in the corner while you watch your favorite program on tv if she is acting up to get your attention. Points against her for peeking out or not being still. Then take those points out on her bare ass and send her to bed early. Make her clean the bathroom nude. She will surely feel submissive and controlled and humbled. This is punishment for a haughty sub. Or one that just isn’t listening. There will be lots of ways to earn punishments. She will have a lot of rules and be on a strict schedule. There will be rewards for good behavior, maybe even good girl spankings as you know these are not always considered by her to be punishment!

Punishments will not be hers to decide, but you will know what it is that she hates and use that to punish her. Entertaining another slave in front of her is not one of them!! That would be too personally painful. That is bordering on a hard limit for her. She would take that as personally destructive. And while it will be a very common fantasy for many men, it will break her heart. It is definitely NOT one of her dark desires. The only exception to that is if the other slave were already her very close friend. Someone she trusted. And someone who was not a threat to taking her place with her Master permanently. She would enjoy having sex with this girl. In front of her Master or both Masters. She would enjoy switching partners in front of her Master. She would not enjoy gang banging. But sharing another female, if a trusted one, while difficult, would be something she would do knowing it would please her Master. She would enjoy having this slut for herself more than sharing her with him. She would also enjoy beating this slave in front of him. Making her ass nice and red. Or receiving such treatment, while humiliating, she would also be quite turned on.

She would try electrical play, but not knife play or breath play. No vampire play or burning, but she would love candle wax. She would love to have zesty things up her ass; things that sting. Not necessarily big things, as she doesn’t want to run the risk of becoming incontinent in her later years. But icy hot, or toothpaste or ginger root down below, front or back or both would be delightful torture. Especially while bound. And she is not fond of those ball gags as they cause her jaw to ache, but a regular gag she could endure. Blindfolds as well would be fun to tease her. She detests nipple clamps but does endure them rather well and has a medium to high pain tolerance. Pain is involved in her mind in any sort of fantasy while she is masturbating. There are images of girls being used, punished, usually hard spankings with belts or paddles or brushes, girls crying and sore and that sends her over the edge. A girl who has been punished and then is receiving hugs but put to bed with a very sore seat is a lovely fantasy. The girl, in bed, masturbates herself to sleep. Mmmmmmmm .

She doesn’t fantasize about Masters cumming all over her or peeing all over her. While she enjoys giving blow jobs, this isn’t something she ever fantasizes about. She simply is made for pleasing men. And while it gives her some pleasure in doing so, this is not what sends her orbiting into orgasms of her own. The pain of a sore bottom and other places, even her clit being spanked, while painful, will always get her juices flowing nicely. Being punished does as well, if it is physical in nature. And while it does not make her excited at the time it is going on, it makes for a nice visual fantasy for her later. She is very shy to talk about all of these things, but they all light a fire in her belly and in her sex. And hopefully this gives you some idea of my dark fantasies. And if you say this time, oh, they are not so dark, well that is the way it is. I can’t think of anything I left out. Some things and persons still do scare me.

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This essay was written about one year ago. I met my current Master the following month. Imagine that! We have forged through many of my so-called dark fantasies above. I have done things i never thought i would enjoy doing and borne the pain of nipple torture that i never (never say never) expected to be able to tolerate. So lots can change in a year.

And so much stays the same. :)