Being owned is mind-blowing at times. Especially when you don’t live together; especially when you are married to others.

Everything shifts when ownership has stepped in and taken place. You no longer live and operate your life in the same fashion so familiar to you. You are constantly bumping up against new situations and feelings and never quite sure at first what to do or how to process them. For things have changed.

This can be very confusing, and if you don’t have a Master willing to work through some of these changes with you even moreso. My Master is great about helping me see things from the new perspective correctly. His perspective. I always rest knowing he is in charge. When i express my fears and newfound confusion he takes it all in and shows me how to see things as i should; as His.

I don’t know if i could do this if Master weren’t so good about guiding me through the lifestyle changes. I don’t worry about expressing my difficulties to him. Well, sometimes i do. But it’s getting less and less. I know Master is going to remain firm and steady in who He is. My distress and confusion is not going to change any of that. Yet i make my feelings and issues known to him. I lay myself bare in all ways. Then wait for his leading.

It is very different being a slave because you really don’t get to decide anything for yourself. As one who has been making major decisions for herself her entire life, now many times i stop dead in my tracks, on the verge of some big decision-making process and realize hey, that isn’t for you to worry about. You aren’t permitted to choose a course of action here. You are owned. You must get clearance from Master first.

Even the most intimate things. The parts that you haven’t fully given over to Him. Things you didn’t realize were not fully surrendered. Things affecting your future. Insecurity bubbles up and overwhelms. Your headspace is all wrong. You fumble about like a blind person trying to navigate their way, not knowing where you are going because you really don’t know what the future holds, and it’s not for you to even determine. Your course is already chosen. You are going along, all strapped in, for the ride of your life. That’s what being truly owned is like sometimes.

It has been difficult for me living this new way, since i am a person who likes to know the charted course ahead of time. I am a planner. I like to know where i am headed. I have definite long term goals in my mind, even if they are not all spelled out precisely, i at least know where i want to eventually end up. I work out my path along the way, sometimes tweaking the plan if the goal seems to be getting away from me, but always knowing i will eventually get there. I always achieve my goals to the best of my ability and within the scope of my own control.

Here now, i have none of that. No control. There are still goals. They are just not formulated by me. And if they are, then they are Master-approved goals. Sometimes the path to a goal is laid out for me. Sometimes i get to choose how i will achieve that goal, but always with Master’s permission and direction. Master has decided this for me. And i abide.

So, today, i find myself again bumping into my own will. My own choices. My own concerns about my own future.

A future which is not my own. I always used to own it. But no longer. I cannot deceive myself here.

Master will choose. Master will help me cope with His decision. Master is good to me. Master owns me like property, and he always improves that which he owns. Nothing touched by him is quite the same, but always bears the fruit of his labor. And so it will be with me.