Sometimes, the moment of discovery takes me by complete surprise.

I share this little moment between Master and me because i hope it will help others who are struggling to understand their service.

dk: you should let your slave get a breast reduction

dk: then i could go braless again

dk: lol

M: you can go braless now (*see the ‘no bra’ rule)

M: (for limited amounts of time *laughs*)

dk: not a pretty sight though

M: you don’t get a vote

(starting to sink…)

M: besides…*pretty* is a variable term…

M: it sends a powerful message of enslavement

M: and that is *pretty*, too

(sinking fast into my slavery..)

dk: yes Master

M: see what I mean? *smiles*

dk: nods

dk: so does getting up at 7am on days off

dk: lol

M: *smiles*

dk: i was reading this essay on enslavement

dk: just reminded me

dk: ‘a slave does not own her time’

M: nor anything else

dk: no

M: not her sweaters, not her hanging breasts, not anything

(…over a minute of silence…)

dk: slammed into her slavery from zero to 150 in less than 10 seconds

M: *smiles*

M: faster than last week with the nipple clamps

dk: i still can’t believe that was you on friday (*see Worry post a few days ago)

M: *laughs*

M: I’m pretty sure it was me… I will check with my stunt double to make sure though

M: I think it is to my advantage to take you by surprise from time to time…

dk: you take me by surprise each and every time

M: to remind you more *savagely* if that’s the right word that I don’t need your consent for my amusements

dk: oh.

M: and that not all my amusements are intended to stoke the fires of your desire for me

M: and that I do enjoy the sensation of the broken you… and also the unbroken you

(…another minute and a half of dead silence…)

dk: yes Master

M: do you understand what I mean there?

dk: nods

M: it is nice to see you bow your head and accept what I give you…

M: but sometimes I like to see that you don’t want it

M: both of us knowing how the story ends anyway

(…two full minutes of silence…)

M: seems there is more than one way to muzzle a slave

(…another minute, and then, finally…)

dk: i accept that that is your right

dk: that is my service

dk: i don’t like that it makes me feel defective for allowing it however

M: *nods* but don’t you see it’s more than that?

M: here’s the larger point:

M: it makes me feel complete

M: it cements my ownership of the one thing I want to own

M: I share these thoughts, so that you might glimpse the experience through my eyes…

M: so that you will know that you not only do not suffer in vain…

M: but that you bring worth and value to me

( pause…)

dk: thank you Master

(longer pause…)

dk: i know it completes you

dk: i know it is seizing your ownership

dk: i don’t judge you for your actions at all

dk: i judge me for mine

M: *nods*

M: hardly anyone I know does more of that than you *lol*

dk: i know who i am; but i can’t stop feeling defective sometimes for it

dk: when will that stop ?

M: I don’t know

M: maybe it is because there is always guilt connected to this, right now…

dk: perhaps Master

I certainly don’t want any negative feelings associated with serving Master. I am not defective. But my behavior does puzzle me so many times. i know this is pure service. I absolutely hunger for purity in my service. And i should not be trifling with feelings of negativity against myself for providing such an awesome service. I will be working on this.

And now i better understand how my reaction is something Master knows in advance and chooses for Himself. He knows ahead of time if something is going to take me over the tolerance edge and He does it with great forethought and purpose to satisfy His desires. So no amount of self control is going to help me wade through it better. i truly become a thing of amusement and use. Hard use is very objectifying. This is service that i’m learning to ……… endure, for lack of a better word.

I wonder who thought up the idea of safe words. I suppose they have a place; particularly if two strangers are scening in a dungeon or something. But that would be about it i suppose. For once a Master and his sub/slave get to know each other pretty well, once she knows He is in full control of Himself, the safe words should go out the window in my opinion; assuming total control is the desired outcome. Why give her any modicum of control? To keep her “safe”? That’s just silly. i trust Master to keep me safe. He is not out to destroy the best toy He ever had. lol

I know that if i had a safe word, on Friday, i would have used it, lol. But i am glad i didn’t have one.

Master has more of me today because of Friday. What more could i want?