It has been a weird week, with lots of time for thinking. For the most part, I feel very settled in my place as Master’s slave. I have been thinking about him a lot. No time together this week though, perhaps that is why all the pondering.

I think back to the very earliest days when we were just getting acquainted. Those encounters were more formal and somewhat stiff; almost impersonal. More informational I guess when Master was just beginning to sort of indoctrinate me to his way of thinking on all things M/s. If I was to become his slave, I would have to see things his way. And I did. I was very receptive, very responsive and hung on his every word because I wanted to learn, and I wanted to remember.

I certainly had my own ideas on submission, but I was a little fuzzy on slavery. Prior to Master, I had developed a sweet, obedient style of submission. Bratting was not my cup of tea. I desperately wanted to please and be pleasing to have around. I was very pliant and strove to be a quick learner. With such qualities, I quickly learned whatever it was my Master wanted to teach me. I grew by leaps and bounds. But it wasn’t easy.

In those earliest days, I do remember a couple of instances of putting forth my desires. Specifically, I wanted more of his time. I was insecure. When Master was not readily available to me, I lost the budding trust that I had in him. I worried he was busy talking to other slaves or that he was in some way not entirely satisfied with me. I fretted quite a bit and pushed for more of his time. I asked pointed questions and might have even leveled a few suspicious accusations. I would find him logged on to a site, and observe he had not messaged me and this used to make me crazy. I thought I was about to be replaced; so insecure I was back then.

Master is a very busy man. He uses his time carefully and doesn’t have any to waste. It was not long before he had to “reset” me abruptly to get me to stop making demands on his time. He stopped talking to me altogether for a number of days. I learned that I could not “make” him do anything. I could not manipulate my Master. He was not going to allow that. Once I’d grasped the reasoning for the so-called silent treatment, I realized what a strong Master I had. He assured me then that he was committed to owning me, specifically me, and nobody else but me. I was shaken from the experience, but I learned a sobering lesson. I respect Master all the more because of this. I also think this strength he exhibits is what draws me so continually and so fiercely to him.

I talk a lot about the transparency Master requires of me as his slave; nothing is to be kept from him. But since those early days, Master too, has opened himself up to me. He’s shown me glimpses of his innermost being; that which he shares with no one else. Though the revelations have come more slowly perhaps than my ‘heart-on-my-sleeve’ openness with Master, still the honor of being allowed these secret glimpses within him have me feeling that perhaps a new chapter of my life is being revealed for the first time in over forty years. It is both an honor and a privilege to be allowed deep within Master’s being, and brings about a connectedness that almost seals us together; Master and slave. This bond that we share seems unbreakable.

Indeed, Master is never letting me go he says, unless his ownership is “fundamentally damaging” to my well-being. (As detailed in my post, Catch and Release) That is the only condition wherein I would be allowed to beg my release.

But, I don’t find myself going there at all in my thinking anymore. I look at my Owner and I think we are just growing more deeply enmeshed into one another; He as my Owner and me as his slave, his pet, his property.

And while I know I ain’t goin’ anywhere, I know too that Master would not desire this either. I know I fill a need in him. He is able to expose a core of his being never before revealed to anyone. He has a freedom in owning me that is also opening a new chapter in his life; a wonderful time of exploring, creating, and controlling. He consumes me without using me up. He consumes me, and even as he does, I grow and flourish for him; and by his hand.

I do not direct. I don’t even try. I merely respond. I unveil. I open up. And through it all I can truly say that all of what I am and what we share as an M/s couple is His doing, not mine. His leadership has created this beautiful, inequitable, perfect union.

I will always be me; still that sweet submissive who wants so desperately to please. Master is content with me. And I am content as His slavepet.

Thank you Master.