Repress: To put down by force, usually before total control has been lost; quell. ~~American Heritage Dictionary

Thanks to the Lesbian Sex Mafia, we can all rest assured that we will no longer be in danger of being abused. For they have compiled a very concise list that spells it all out for us, no doubt to keep our little submissive cunts safe from mean ol’ abusive Domly types out there, lying in wait to take advantage of us via our pretty little empty heads.

The Difference Between SM and Abuse

SM:

An SM scene is a controlled situation.

Abuse:

Abuse is an out-of-control situation.

SM:

Negotiation occurs before an SM scene to determine what will and will not happen in that scene.

Abuse:

One person determines what will happen.

SM:

Knowledgeable consent is given to the scene by all parties.

Abuse:

No consent is asked for or given.

SM:

The “bottom” has a safeword that allows them to stop the scene at any time they need to for physical or emotional reasons.

Abuse:

The person being abused cannot stop what is happening.

SM:

Everyone involved in the SM scene is concerned about needs, desires, and limits of others.

Abuse:

No concern is given to the needs, desires, and limits of the abused person.

SM:

The people in the SM scene are careful to be sure that they are not impaired by alcohol or drug use during the scene.

Abuse:

Alcohol or drugs are often used before an episode of abuse.

SM:

After an SM scene, the people involved feel good.

Abuse:

After an episode of abuse, the people involved feel bad.

I’m not sure if Master is aware of this or not, but according to the above statements, outside of maybe the first one, under his hand I am being abused. I’m sure he will chuckle reading this list. I admit to rolling my eyes.

Now granted, this list was not made with slaves in mind, but for those in S&M relationships. Still, a good portion of what we do involves S&M.

So far, in my experience as Master’s property, I have not seen him out of control. In his day-to-day life he does not lose his temper in ways that would be deemed out of control. I’ve never even heard him raise his voice. I rarely see him lose his patience. No, his is a very controlled abuse, lol.

Negotiation is not a part of what we do. Master always chooses, and never consults with me. He alone, always determines what will happen. In fact, if he were to ask me what I wanted, I would likely stare blankly at him, jaw agape in utter shock, feeling slightly uncomfortable. I would almost find that sadistic, lol, because it would be a definite turning of the tables! No, Master always chooses alone. And I prefer it that way!

No consent is asked for, though I suppose consent is usually given. I did that first time consent thing: I agreed to give up all my rights at the start of this relationship. Was it knowledgeable consent? Only in that I know what Master’s limits are, and thankfully they are some pretty good ones, though I can count them on one hand.

If Master chooses to use me hard, he doesn’t have to get my permission. That’s almost laughable. Is there ongoing consent? Well, we were having this little discussion this morning in fact, about the term consensual non-consent. I really dislike that term. For those of you unfamiliar with it, there is a definition here.

But yes, I suppose ongoing consent is usually a given. Otherwise, I simply would not still be with him. (More on this in another post, perhaps. It’s a sticky subject.) I say usually given because there are times when, if I were to be consulted, I would have screamed a loud “No!” and expected to be heeded; hence the non-consensual bit of the puzzle.

Master made it clear in his profile that he did not believe in ‘safe words’. What he does believe in, however, is simple communication: “Master, my foot is numb!” He can then choose to investigate, or let whatever it is go for the time being. His property; his choice. “You break it you bought it”… only, he already ‘bought’ it, so breaking it is his prerogative.

If true harm did come to me by way of Master’s hand, would I see that as abuse? No. I see that as a result of my choice to be his slave. I take personal responsibility for all my choices. If true harm comes to me as a result of that choice, I am not going to run and press charges. I didn’t have to go along with this, but I chose to. (A bit more of the ongoing consent theory here) I am not going to hold someone else accountable for my choices. I am, however, committed to remaining a useful slave to my Master.

“No concern is given to the needs, desires, and limits of the abused person.”

Well now see, I just don’t see it that way. Not at all. Because my needs, desires, and limits are slowly being replaced and will eventually mirror his. And furthermore, this act in and of itself gives me tremendous satisfaction, peace, and feelings of accomplishment.

Does Master use me while impaired from drugs or alcohol? Not yet. But if he did? Well, that would again be up to him; he’s my Owner. However, I chose a Master who can control himself. He isn’t likely to become careless with his property like that. And if harm resulted, I would still be his slave and perhaps the upkeep would be greater and he’d learn, lol.

Still, I do see what they are saying. The use of alcohol to the point that it impairs some people can produce a frenzy of rage that often leaves a path of terrible abuse in its wake.

Those people obviously should abstain from alcohol before laying a hand on their precious property. Again, I chose wisely, and so should you.

As to abuse making people feel bad, I suppose for some that’s true. There are also those for whom it is not true. Plenty, in fact. If the person is truly a masochist, abuse can be what sends them to the stars and back. It can be a very, very positive thing. Some thrive on being abused.

It just doesn’t happen to be problematic for me in my relationship. Suffering through a very difficult, painful and abusive session where I come out of it feeling completely leveled and empty for awhile, well, yeah, it pretty much sucks at first. But afterwards, it makes me feel a real sense of accomplishment and pride. I am so proud of being able to be of use to my Master in this way. Best not to make blanket statements like “after an episode of abuse, people feel bad.”

I realize that abuse does happen in these types of relationships and that the definition of abuse varies from couple to couple. I suppose a list like this is useful for some folks. But personally, I think that the folks who would benefit most from this list don’t belong in the lifestyle in the first place.

If you need a list to tell you that you are in a bad relationship, then S&M is the last place you should be looking for fulfillment. You have got huge personal, emotional issues to work out first. If you don’t realize that you are not thriving, without a list to show you, how can you even be responsible for yourself? How did you make it through your adult life this far?? That boggles my mind. Just sayin’.