Why I shouldn’t be a slave
Posted by: doubleknot on: November 21, 2008
I can’t figure out why this slavery thing is working for me; honest to god, for the life of me, I can’t.
I don’t like being told what to do. Well, okay, I like being told, but I like even more getting them to think I’m doing it and doing something else instead. I like portraying the image of the obedient slave and then just doing whatever the fuck I want. It’s a beautiful thing.
But that’s at a distance. Get up and close and personal with me and you will find no fight in me. I will be your “beck and call girl”, no problem. Tell me to my face to get down on my knees and I’m there before you can say “kneel”.
I don’t do well with the word “No.”. I don’t like being told, “No choice was offered.” I don’t like hearing “No one said this was going to be easy”; and I don’t like the unfairness of it all. I really and truly don’t.
I just want to be cuddled and pampered and told that I am a good girl when even marginal effort is given. I like having a spanking my way. I want to be played with when I want and not when I don’t want, and I want my nipples left mostly alone and that goes for my cuntie too, unless I say it’s okay.
I don’t want a bedtime and I don’t want a wake up time. I want to nap when I want. I want to sleep where I want. I want to be ordered around sometimes, but not all the time, and I want it how I want it and don’t try to take away all my choices at once, it makes me cranky.
I want to be allowed to pitch a fit once in awhile. I want to yell about lack of manners and not being gentlemanly and considerate when I want and need it. I want to be romanced.
I want to be in charge of my life sometimes.
I want to wear tights instead of thigh high hose to keep my damn leggies warm in this frigid midwest winter. And I want to wear a bra too, damnit!
I don’t want to kneel in devotion either at 5:30am before work or at 8:30pm after working 12 hours. It’s hard and it makes me fall asleep. I don’t like that I have to and he doesn’t. Hmmph.
And I don’t like that the rules list keeps growing, and it’s hard and I still have to follow all of them. I don’t like living apart.
All this to say, living as an Owned slave to my Master…
Living as an Owned slave gets me hot. And it’s good for me. And it’s making me grow up; at frikkin’ 47 years old. I still have a lot of growing up to do. heh. Imagine.
And when it doesn’t get me hot it expands my value. I am becoming a more valuable person in my own right. And so even if this relationship somehow fails, and one day grinds to a halt, I will leave having more than I entered with. I will come away richer than I ever was.
Being enslaved is no picnic. But it is in many ways a feast. No one else cares enough about me to work so hard at changing me for the better. Even I can see that.
Being owned by my Master is much about him, but it is also about me; and maybe he doesn’t even see this. Or else why would I put up with so much difficulty at times? There is definitely stuff in it for me.
Maybe I’m not the best slave in the world, and maybe I don’t have the purest servant’s heart. Maybe I inwardly and sometimes outwardly whine about things, and maybe I’m not the best example of “how it’s done.” Maybe most of what I write here is tripe and puffy bullshit and nonsense, and maybe no one likes to read here but me. And maybe my brand of slavery is simple and silly. And maybe I shouldn’t be a slave…
But I am. And it affects me deeply. And I love writing about all facets of my life as a slave. And maybe I don’t get it right all the time, or most of the time, or even half the time, but it seems to be working for me and my Owner.
I shouldn’t be a slave for all the reasons listed above, but you know what? It doesn’t matter to my Owner, even if maybe it bothers me sometimes, because much as I wish, it isn’t all about me at all. It is however, all about what he wants, and who he wants, and he wants me.
I am; I should be a slave. His slave.
14 Responses to "Why I shouldn’t be a slave"
November 22, 2008 at 5:55 am
Thanks for stopping to comment M:e. I’m glad you found my little corner of th the blog-world. Put up your feet and stay awhile, lol. dk
November 22, 2008 at 9:22 am
Yeah, it’s not easy. But you don’t write puffy bullshit or nonsense, and I for one read you avidly; even when I’m not leaving comments, I’m here.
hugs
Tp xx
November 22, 2008 at 9:28 pm
DK: Another great post illustrating how you love being a slave and yet you
struggle with it at the same time. And as far as wearing hose on those
cold winter days, just remember that your Master has you showing off
your legs.
And what does your Master think about you talking about falling asleep
during your daily kneeling devotional. You’d better watch it or he’ll have
you do it with a butt plug up your ass the way The Common Kajira is ordered to by her Master. That would keep you awake.
And as far as not liking lliving apart, in a recent comment I mentioned that the intensity may last a lot longer than it did with your hubby because the relationship is so much better. And living apart may actually increase it Yoou avoid the hum drum of daily life and your time together is like a another honeymoon.
Anyway, keep enjoying being a slave even if it’s hard at times.
Florida Dom
November 22, 2008 at 10:19 pm
good points Florida Dom. But would you please bite your tongue about what common kajira is doing? Shhhhh!
November 24, 2008 at 8:21 am
I was making a lame attempt at humor. hope you don’t pay the price for
my goof.
November 24, 2008 at 8:29 am
And if I do…. well…. maybe Master will let me switch and play Top some day and I could come over to your house Florida Dom and well….. *wicked grin*
November 24, 2008 at 10:00 pm
WOW, let’s hope Master doesn’t allow you to do that. “Grin.” But at least I figured out how to bring out your dominant side. Let’s just
hope your Master isn’t influenced by one of your readers and doesn’t want to copy another Master.
November 25, 2008 at 5:39 am
dk,
What a great post!!
i am loving sharing in your spiritual evolution. you are so insightful in capturing all the nuance of slavery.
you know this IS me:
“I don’t do well with the word “No.”. I don’t like being told, “No choice was offered.” I don’t like hearing “No one said this was going to be easy”; and I don’t like the unfairness of it all. I really and truly don’t. ” lol@me (& dk!)
Getting past “what comes natural” to us and starting that growing-up process is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? i find it joyous to discover “it’s never too late” to have the life i always dreamed of. Of course, it doesn’t always feel like “living the dream”! But then we get past that sucky “malleable part and the rewards are sooo sweet!
It’s like Christmas when i finally get the time to get over here and read!
Thank you and best wishes for your continued growth.
Hugs & Kisses!
~s/nik
November 25, 2008 at 5:49 am
And I’m always so glad to see you here nik! Sometimes, I’m almost hesitant to write posts like this one. Afraid that someone will berate me and tell me I’m not a true slave or some such nonsense or that I’m not doing it right.
But slavery is hard. And sometimes, well, lots of times actually I need to vent about it. Thanks for not judging me and letting me do that.
Thanks too for the nice comment. *Huggggggs*
November 25, 2008 at 3:14 pm
“Let’s just hope your Master isn’t influenced by one of your readers”…
Most assuredly, I am not.
November 22, 2008 at 12:44 am
smiles and softly sighs…….so many of us have been here…..could have written this either in part or in its entirity. There are times I feel its the hardest thing I’ve ever done, while at the same time feeling its the most natural, and by far the most rewarding. Hopefully for both of us.
Have only recently found you, so going to take some time to come back and dip into the archives. I have a feeling there will be much here to give me food for thought.
love and hugs