Slavery Without Intimacy
Posted by: doubleknot on: November 24, 2008
Is it even possible?
Speaking strictly of the BDSM community definition of slavery, whatever that is, I would have to say no. Or if it is possible, it would severely limit the quality of output produced.
What do I mean by that? I mean, that whatever you want to get out of a slave, intimacy with that slave is going to greatly enhance your odds of getting it, and in much greater quantity and quality. Whether it be performance, service, entertainment, conditioning, or what-have-you, intimacy will help to dramatically increase devotion.
You don’t believe me?
Yes, a slave can be a slave without intimacy. But from where does her desire to please you come? Her fear of repercussions? Her need to please? The satisfaction of a job well-done? Boredom? Perhaps…
But who is really that altruistic? Most people, being human, are operating on a ‘what’s in it for me?’ basis. Unless they are the next Mother Theresa, you’d better believe that. And if that “what” is the intimacy of the owner, the desire to please, serve, improve, conform, abide, etc, etc, goes up that much more than if it is a merely casual arrangement.
Some Master types fear intimacy, for it can seriously make their task of control that much harder. For how do you remain objective when little suzie slave has wrapped herself around your heart, and you around her little finger? You keep your distance, that’s how.
But in maintaining control by keeping things formal, and as a result interjecting distance into the dynamic, what are you sacrificing? And is it worth what has been sacrificed?
You will keep the control, yes, for sure. You will keep her fearing you at that distance; not the scary kind of fear, but a healthy fearful respect and awe of you. Nothing wrong with that. But what of her service?
I propose that she will never be as deeply devoted to serving you and your needs as she will if she is serving you out of adoration, rather than duty. It’s the same with anyone; kids, pets, underlings. Get their respect and you get marginal cooperation. Earn their trust and you improve your results significantly. But gain their utter devotion and even love, and the results cannot be surpassed.
Just sayin’.
11 Responses to "Slavery Without Intimacy"
November 25, 2008 at 5:50 am
Thank you M:e for your thoughtful response. Thanks nik for popping in once again. Missed you!
November 25, 2008 at 8:16 am
Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more; intimacy is crucial for me. I guess that’s why I like to be my owner’s ‘pet’. Pets are for cuddling as well as all the other stuff 
.
Hugs
Tp xx
November 26, 2008 at 1:31 am
My first M/s situation was a Master/slave agreement completely devoid of intimacy. We were not intimate. We weren’t in love. I served him out of a mutual agreement. I needed to serve and he needed serving. He was married, with children. He was intimate with his wife. I was property. I liked it that way. Later on down the road, when he started to have “feelings” for me, it crippled his ability to Master me objectively and the relationship fell apart for me. It was no longer what I wanted or needed once he started getting all mushy. The threat of intimacy ruined everything and he agreed and released me.
My desire to serve him was about my need to serve. It was something within me that drove me to please him. The punishment for not pleasing him was distance and inability to serve. That was something I didn’t want to risk. I was there with him for a little over 2 years. It was a perfect arrangement for all involved until he started having feelings of love for me. The distractions of his intimate feelings just made it all fall apart.
With my current Master I am very intimate. We are in love. Sometimes I think my slavery would be more complete if we were not both best friends and in love. I miss the objectivity, and the formal distance I associate with the Master/slave dynamic. We both think that slaves and Masters should be somewhat formal and removed from the lovey dovey stuff. That’s why we have a 1950’s household with me as the Wife Slave and him as the Master Husband.
Kitten
November 26, 2008 at 7:21 am
So you broke up with the first Master, with whom you were not intimate, and you are still with the one with whom you are intimate. Why is that?
November 26, 2008 at 9:27 am
The other thing I was thinking Kitten, is maybe the intimacy was a stumbling block to you because he was married and maybe it began overstepping your values and ethics.
I’ve written before on this topic from almost a polar-opposite view. Still, I think the two views both have merit. Perhaps I’ll repost that other entry for balance.
Thank you as always for your insightful comments!
dk
November 26, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I think it’s all been about expectation. When I entered the 1st relationship, it was with the understanding that love and intimacy would never ever factor in. It wasn’t what I wanted.
My current owner was my best friend and my lover LONG before he was my owner. If you read my blog, you’ll know that we were sweethearts and the Master slave aspects were a natural progression of that loving because of the people we are. He is a dominant personality. I am also a very dominant personality but his dominance trumps mine. The reason he enslaved me is because otherwise, we butt heads. You should read the story of how we met. It only worked once I threw up my little white flag of surrender. We were warring from the start. Balancing a dominant personality type and desire to be a slave requires special care. I’m not submissive in the least. I write about that a good bit. I’m not submissive. If I had a submissive bone in my body, I may have been able to stay in a relationship where love had weakened the man and the dynamic. Such as I am, I could not.
My first owner was an owner. We were Master/slave and that’s all. That’s what he said he wanted. I knew that’s what I wanted. He had no desire to love me. It just happened. It didn’t happen for me. I had no desire for love and when it was offered, I could not return it. I could serve him, yes, but love cannot be commanded or demanded. It just doesn’t work that way and any intimacy I offered him was forced. That just didn’t work.
To answer your question, I begged out of that relationship, yes. His wife was unhappy. She felt betrayed. She wanted him to have a slave, but not love her. That was their agreement. It’s also why I was so suited for that position. I do not equate sex with love, pain with love, or Mastery of a slave with love for her. They are totally different for me. Trust me. In slaves, that’s rare. They all seem to be looking for a happy ever after or a casual encounter. Few can live long term giving themselves in service without expecting love.
Simply put, our agreement was one thing. When he wanted to be intimate, it was not inside the agreement. I have no problem with married men. I dated married men exclusively for many years. I did, in that case, side with the wife because we were all in agreement when I came to live with them and he got kind of sappy and wimpy (seriously), could not master his own feelings, and was just not the man who collared me any longer once he loved me.
I was unhappy. I was loved by a man I could not return love for. (If I had been able to love him, maybe things would have been different. You don’t seem to take into account that I did not love him.)
With my current owner, As I’ve said many times, we were in love from the jumping off point. We were in love as people. His Master of me came much later. I didn’t meet him online and establish that we would have an M/s relationship from the start. I met him at work and we dated for a year before we even had sex!! Old School Courtship and the relationship that grows from that is what our relationship is based on. Also, it’s important to know that if Master/slave stops working for us, it will not end our relationship. We’ll stay together as husband and wife until the end of time.
I hope that explains it for you. I thought it was was obvious that I didn’t love my first owner at all and it would not work for either of us if I could not return love and intimacy, especially if he had started to desire it from me.
November 26, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Thanks kitten. Yes, that does explain it rather well.
I’ll let you be the exception to my rule, lolol.
November 26, 2008 at 10:59 pm
My mother says “Kitten, there’s an exception to every rule, and that exception is usually YOU..”
HA!
November 25, 2008 at 2:29 am
What a wonderfully thought provoking piece. I’ve put a link to it on my site today to share it with my friends and visitors.
I have to agree that, in my own experience, the more intimate M and I are the more deeply I feel able to submit and serve.
I once used an analogy about submission being like swimming in a pool……the more well maintained it was, and the deeper the water, the more us slaves, as ’swimmers’ were able to just dive without first checking we weren’t going to hit our heads on the bottom.
I think every relationship goes through its ’shallow end’ times, in respect of intimacy, just as if you swim up and down the pool the depth of the water changes. Learning not to dive in when we’re at the shallow end can often be challenging, but there’s some fun to be had in just paddling for a while too!!
love and hugs xxx