doubleknot’s ruminations

Wow. The last day of the year. 
I don’t usually do new year’s resolutions.  I think because I often tend to write them down, and soon forget about them.  Or maybe I just hate the idea of presenting something as a challenge for myself and then later failing to achieve it.  I hate failure. 
Master [...]

Living apart is hard.  Living together would be infinitely easier.  But we have to live for what is.
Master has a family:  a wife; children.  So do I. 
We had our families way before we met each other.  I specifically went looking for a married Master, because I thought that coming from similar circumstances would give [...]

While I’ve had a very nice holiday with my family, I hate the way I feel distanced from Master. 
I worked second shift on Christmas day, rushed home, went to sleep around 11 then had to be up at 5:30 for a twelve-hour shift the next day.  Had to be in charge both days.  That, [...]

 
Well, it’s almost Christmas Eve Day, a day which I particularly adore. 
I haven’t written much here lately because my days have been busily filled with decorating, shopping, wrapping, and of course, baking. 
Every year I do the cookie thing.  I try to make as many different kinds of cookies as time, health, and [...]

I wish I was a better writer.  My owner put me through some use the other day that just defies description.  I am still trying to process it all.  If I’d had a safe word, I would have used it. 
Apparently at the height of it all, I had a sort of panic reaction.  I [...]

Sur-ren-der
-verb
1. To yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession on demand or under duress.
 
My apologies for not stopping in here in a bit.  Life has been really busy. 
I am still struggling with the reality of my enslavement to a man who truly does not give in to my [...]

I think it’s easier in some ways for folks like us, who do not reside together, to keep the relationship strictly M/s.  After all, all the mundanities of life are kept away from the relationship, reserved for our families and us to wade through without our M/s partner.  When I see my Owner, it’s mainly [...]

I’ve felt like a super ball bouncing off the walls of this large box that is my slavery, inside of which I reside . 
It’d been three weeks since Master and I had been together but at long last, we had a physical connection.  Afterwards, the box felt smaller, more solid, and I’d definitely stopped [...]

 
“Conquer thyself.  Till thou hast done that thou art a slave.”
-Robert Burton
 
Something has absolutely just occurred to me.  The very strength of control that draws me to my Owner is also what makes it so difficult in the dry times.  I’m talking about the days when he has very little time for me; when he [...]

I think it’s very hard to accept the notion that people can be enslaved against their will.  Yet this is a popular theory touted by some BDSM groups.  It is an attractive goal for many Masters and slaves alike.  Get inside her head, recondition her thinking so that she is literally unable to refuse you; [...]