Well, he’s out.  Son helped him with the move.  I worked.  But the next day I stopped by with my daughter for a bit.  Brought him some dishes and things, took her to an activity then returned to his place with lunch.  Still no food in the house on the second day.  I guess that’s a man for ya.  Maybe he just didn’t feel hungry.

I know my stomach has been kind of upset this past week.  I’m glad I worked a lot.  The kids seem to be doing pretty well, all things considered.  And it was weird; we met in the grocery store today.  All of us.  Son was working, the rest of us shopping.  Every now and then hub would ask me for guidance on buying things like dishwasher soap or floor cleaner.

I don’t know how I feel.  I mean, I feel mixed.  Yes, it’s a relief he’s out.  But there is such an overwash of guilt oozing down over me that goes along with that relief.  I wish I wasn’t plagued by the guilt.  Hub is just now realizing how unhappy I was in the marriage.  He says he feels like he was evicted.  *guilt*.  Oh well.  If he didn’t want to move out, or if he’d refused, then I would’ve moved out instead.  And then we’d have to sell the house because he couldn’t afford to live in it.  So either way, he’s out of his house.

And I guess I could see how that might make me a bitch.  *guilt*  Because I forced the man out of his home.  I also made their daddy go away.  *guilt*  Even though the home will be much calmer without him in it.  I still can’t get over that one easily.  Now we have to get in the car (or walk the mile and a half) to go see daddy.

We are meeting for breakfast in the morning.  All four of us.  I invited him over for a cookout tomorrow, but he thinks it’d be too weird, so he said no thanks.  *guilt*  and *sigh*

I hate for anyone to be mad at me.  And while I know I’ve given him plenty of reason to be, he doesn’t seem to be mad at me just yet.  I suppose it’s coming.  The holidays will be hard; especially for him.  Ugh.

Master says not to dwell on how he is feeling and to heed him on this.  I’m trying, but it’s hard because of what I just mentioned:  I hate for anyone to be mad at me.

I don’t know what I expected.  I guess I expected hub to agree with me and go willingly, which, basically he did.  But he is pretty unhappy about it.  Which, I am not dwelling on.

*nibbles a finger and tries to move onto something else…*

So… Master met me for breakfast the other day to do a “property maintenance check” or something or other.  I said he could just do that online with the webcam.  He said that no, he needs to see my face and be able to look into my eyes.  So after looking at my face and into my eyes at breakfast, he decided that I am doing okay, lol.  And, I am.  A shaky okay I guess.  I am putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time.  Which is all I can really handle just now.

Oh, and I am picking up any extra shifts I can get my hands on, because the budget scares the hell outta me now that my household income has been cut nearly in half.  But that’s another blog post altogether, lol.  I have yet to see this new budget Master has promised, but as I told him the other day, there won’t be much to budget; most if not all of my income will be spent on bills.  *sigh*

I gotta say though, I love having the place to myself.  Not having to share decisions with another adult is keen-o.  And it’s funny, I’ve taken a new interest in …. everything around here.  I want to redecorate a lil bit.  I care more about the appearance of the yard now that he’s gone… I want to clean the house more.  What’s up with that???  It’s weird.  I think I was kinda depressed before and now I feel… maybe lighter.  Definitely better.  This was a good move.

As bad as I feel for him, I cannot deny that overall, for me, it’s better.  And I am hoping that the kids sense this and it gets better for them as well.  Though, I can see very little sign that it is affecting them adversely so far, outside of a little bit of moodiness in my daughter.  (well, moreso than normal, that is)

Things are just different.  But I think things are better, and will continue to get better as I get stronger.  And hopefully as hub settles down into his new life.  (and hopefully avoids sinking into a depression.  that would kill me.  I still care about him quite a bit.)

So, that’s my update for the week.  My shoulder, and knees, and other bits of me are vaguely sore.  Not too sure what’s up with that.  I think it’s best for me to keep busy right now.  I suspect if I had too much time off, I might want to ruminate a little too much about all of these changes.  And Master doesn’t want me doing that I’ll bet.  Lol.

Happy 4th of July!  Go shoot of a bottle rocket or something.  Just stay out of the ER!

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