and now, deep thoughts with dk
Posted by: doubleknot on: October 31, 2009
So, it’s Halloween and it’s colder than a witch’s titty out there. We’ve had about five trick-or-treaters so far. More candy for… um… anyone but me. 
I got my grade for my first class. An ‘A’. Go me! But it was an easy class. I’m just overwhelmed at times being back in school. But it’s no more difficult than I remember. It’s just sort of like having a full time job. You have to put some time into it, that’s all.
I just spent way too much money on Mary Kay. But, I’ll be all the more beautiful for it! I wish so badly I could put my picture up here, but after having had a stalker, it’s probably a very bad idea. The blogs with photos get way more hits. Oh well.
I’m tired of school already. If you do online school, it’s like you never have a day off. Someone is always posting. I’m done for today though. I did my reading, thought about my paper topic a little bit, and almost fell asleep.
This blog is boring.
I’m about through with FetLife. Maybe through with blogging here too. Seems like I have less and less to say. Less angst. Less time for angst. Less time to think about slavery. How sad is that?
The time I think about it is when Master is imposing something on me that I don’t like, usually when we’re together, which sadly, is not very often. Maybe once a week. When I’m home, the rules all seem almost second nature.
I feel very boring today.
I think I am boring myself to death with my own blog. Maybe it’s time to put it out of its misery.
I had to take care of this 23 year-old kid with terminal bone cancer this week. He won’t live to see Christmas. My job is so sad sometimes. He is a really nice kid.
I’m having a glass of wine. My daughter is hibernating in her room. She’s been sick almost all week. I hope I don’t catch it.
Regarding the H1N1 vaccine… don’t get it. They did not test it enough. Only on something like 600 people. And there have been reports of neurological problems following the vaccine, so I strongly advise against it.
Chicken soup is good for you. Take that instead.
Unless your chickens got shot up with hormones. Then it’s probably not so good for you.
Raising your own chickens probably makes a lot of bad smells.
I almost hit a skunk on my way to work the other day.
It rained here day and night the other day. My back yard is flooded.
Master is losing lots of weight too. He rocks!
I just ordered new jeans and work clothes in a smaller size. I love that!
The new Facebook look sucks. Agree/disagree?
I’m on Facebook; with a photo. But I’ll never tell you who I am!
So, when Master was kinda scolding me at the restaurant for weighing in an extra time last week, he shushed me by reaching across the table and pressing two fingers to my lips and holding them there. I was really embarrassed.
Did I mention I was having a glass of wine right now? I highly recommend it.
Master has company this weekend. Family. I miss him. I bet he misses me too.
I can never sleep in on days I’m allowed to. I hate that.
My house is so much quieter without the husband in it. I love the peace and quiet.
My boss thinks I’m attending online school because I’m anti-social. She should talk. She has a mood disorder.
Regarding topping from the bottom, it’s impossible with my Master. Even if I wanted to, wouldn’t happen. It’s all on the Master, I say.
Regarding marriage… it’s not something I would ever seek out again. I’m a bit disillusioned with the whole thing right now. Everyone in my family has gotten divorced, well, except my parents, and they should have.
I was testing some men’s cologne today and got some on me. I smell like a guy with too much aftershave.
If you’re looking for a Master, choose one who matches what you want. Don’t expect to change him. Same thing with a guy you plan on marrying. They don’t change.
In that same vein, be careful what you wish for. Fantasy and reality are not the same thing.
And finally, don’t ever let someone take away who you are. Maintain your identity at all costs. If you lose that, you become a mere shell. Been there. Done that. Not doing it again.
Technorati Tags: random thoughts, slavery, boredom, missing Master
19 Responses to "and now, deep thoughts with dk"
October 31, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Why?? What makes you say that?? It’s not the wine. I swear!!
November 1, 2009 at 7:51 am
Question.
Do you honestly think readers here care about you ONLY insofar as you talk about slavery struggles all day long? Or are YOU simply bored of blogging? If it’s that you’re bored of it, that’s okay, I understand. But if you think it’s a boring blog because you currently don’t have anything uber-slave-y to write about and you believe WE will be bored… Well… That’s crap, dk.
It’s crap because your readers care about YOU, not necessarily what you talk about during any given time. Plus, it’s crap because the more you sipped on that wine, the more I became convinced you have PLENTY to write about. I just don’t know if it’s occurred to YOU yet.
~Chloe, cryptic on purpose.
November 1, 2009 at 7:54 am
lmao Chloe.
Okay, Okay, OKAY! I get it. Sort of. I may think it’s boring but you guys don’t think it’s boring.
Well, that’s good.
And I don’t think Master will let me stop the blog anyway. And, I probably really don’t want to either. I just get grumpy about my brain. It emptifies sometimes. (yes, that’s a word. I just made it up)
November 1, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I’ve just been put in touch with your blog and I must say I’m enjoying it. I look forward to reading more, as does my girl.
Be well,
DM
November 1, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Welcome DM, and thanks for delurking! Even if you may at times disagree, I hope you and your girl enjoy your stay! All comments are welcome.
November 1, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Thank you for the kind welcome. I wasn’t really lurking per se, I just got the link today *smile*. I am fairly understanding of the differences in people’s lives and rights to have their own opinions. I’m ok with not agreeing with everything that is said; I enjoy the connection the most. The uniqueness of every individual slave, sub or otherwise is valued by me.
Thanks again for the warm welcome. (Stay warm in Chicago, I’m in the burbs and know it’s not all too “fall like” outside today.)
DM
http://thehouseofmuse.wordpress.com
November 2, 2009 at 10:57 am
Hee. You.Crack.Me.Up, I mean, really. I was smiling at your blurbiness….(if you can invent a new word, so can i, lol!)….
I second what Chloe said. We luffs you for you. I would be so very sad if you stopped blogging. I k now, we don’t *know* each other, what did I see on someones blog? I think she called it friendlystranger or somesuch. We pour ourselves out in our blogs (or in my case, my stories based on my purient fantasies)…and folks think they know us, but they (us–I’m confusing myself now) don’t….only the wee snippets we share.
**oooies….a stalker? really? how ugh. (shudders) my horror, I guess.
I have to brag…we had one of the warmest Halloween’s EVAH! It hit 70 …yes, 70. In central Massachusetts. At the end of October. Go figure. Yeah, then reality sets in when we wake up yesterday and all the trees were bare. Wicked rain and winds came up after the kids t-o-t’ed…thank goodness, and stripped the trees bare. For the first time in, what, 30 years? when we rake up the leaves in the yard, they will be done. Usually we rake for weeks and weeks….oh my…I’m taking over your blog again. sigh. sorry, I keep doing that. See, I’m a chatterbos. My fingers keep on goin’ and goin’….
Anyway, congratulations on the A…don’t dismiss your efforts by calling it “easy”…you worked hard to do this and YaY to you!
Last thing…loved the last 3 bits of what you wrote. I’ve been thinking a.lot. about that. I’ve been faithful to my beloved for 31 y ears. I have a HUGE fantasy about this kink…but as you say fantasy is not reality, and the reality is I don’t want to lose my family over sex. Or slavery. If something else happens to change my lifestyle, so be it, I can embrace the changes, but at the cost of losing my wife, who is also my best friend, and my kids???Nada. Can’t do that. I have enough integrity to take my vows seriously. I pledged to stand with my family. It’s hard to be in denial about who my inner chocolate is. But I’m strong. And I have my kinky stories. And a vibe. Oh yes, the vibe. Nuff….
hugs,
Nilla
November 2, 2009 at 11:01 am
Oh Gawd. Anyone who reads what I wrote above….I just committed a HUGE Faux Pax….
I did say I had integety because I stay w/my wife, despite her not knowing about my kinky sex ideas, wanting to be a sub, etc. This does not mean that folks who have divorced/separated do not have integrity, I soooo did not mean that!!! I just mean that for us, our situation is stable.
Nilla walks away, shaking her head.
sometimes I am so DUH
November 2, 2009 at 11:23 am
Hey dk! I still check in on you and others even though I no longer blog and rarely comment. But I don’t really care to read about D/s stuff these days anyway so I welcome any blogging that is about you, the person and not D/s.
Not that I’m not into D/s anymore or anything, and not that I dislike reading about it, but…dunno, I’m just burnt out on reading about it. 
7 years of reading about it. Yeah, a little burnt.
So please blog away about whatever you like! I’m certainly not here for the D/s.
Thanks for saying that about the vaccine. Our little granddaughter is 7 months old and her parents are not giving her the vaccine nor getting it for themselves due to exactly what you say here. We know many people, neighbors, family, etc., who have had H1N1 and nobody has died or come close to it. It’s just a flu, you know, not fun but still just the flu. Seems like this one is more communicable but not worth the media scare, that’s for sure. The hospitals are being flooded with people coming in freaked out about the flu and the staff are just sending them home again.
Most of these people would not have bothered to go in at all if it wasn’t for all the hype.
And I *hate* the new Facebook; so fucking annoying as fuck. But not as much as I hate all those stupid quizzes and games people continually post. I don’t give a flying FUCK about Mafia Wars or Fucking Farmville (“I need a chicken.” “I don’t give a FUCK!”) lol
On men and fantasy, oh yes ditto. Don’t expect him to change and be careful what you ask for. Some things that are hotter than hot in fantasy are pretty dismal in real life and even potentially damaging.
Fetlife; I created another persona just so I could check on blow-ups there but it just seems boring these days and I don’t participate. I can’t remember the last time I even went there. Everyone seems to either squabble amongst themselves or they go over the same topics over and over again ad nauseum.
I would hate to see you take your blog down. I like reading about your life.
November 2, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Thanks for the luff Nilla,
Amber!!! I’ve been misssssssssing youuuuu! Thanks for stopping and commenting! What can I do to entice you to go back to blogging again. Hmmmm???? I’ll do almost anything!!!
November 3, 2009 at 3:28 am
Is it a sunspot do you think? I have been having similar thoughts about what we wish for, what Masters we get, how repetitious things become. Guess it might be time for a very severe one to one and a reconfirmation of commitment.
November 3, 2009 at 5:26 am
Please don’t misunderstand me doll. There is no problem whatsoever with my Master and me! I chose well. I was thinking of others I know who struggle, and perhaps about my own failed marriage.
Best wishes!
November 3, 2009 at 8:16 am
I just recently found your blog, so I hope you don’t stop writing. I don’t think it has to be all broody-naughty all the time to be good. I like your posts. They make me chuckle, they make me think… and I can totally relate– the ex, the stalker (in my case the ex is the stalker so actually having a photo on Facebook means having the privacy settings on lockdown), disillusionment with marriage…
And right now, looking again for a Master, it was good to hear your affirmations…. I think I’ll put it on a little sticky note on my bathroom mirror as a reminder “Choose a Master who matches what you want. Don’t expect to change him. Maintain your identity.”
If only I’d had that as a mantra years ago. But, we learn, right?
FYI my grandpa raises chickens. they STINK.
November 3, 2009 at 4:10 pm
lol at you’d do “almost anything”, lol
Aww…I can’t blog there anymore; I’m too scared of the way the intraweebs are all connected these days. Really don’t want to be in the position of explaining to my friends/family/work folks about my “inner self” (for lack of a better word, hahaha!)
If I could delete all my old stuff for good, then I could possibly open a new blog for everyone under my real name and just blog about stuff that anyone could read but Google owns Blogger now and keeps everything forever. So…yeah.
But I’ll do a mini-blog here! (LUCKY YOUUUUU! 
)
Lucy has the swine, little Lily is sick too (not sure if it’s swine or not but at this point, everything anyone has is assumed the swine), Dan was sick all last week, my neighbors kids had swine, we’re surrounded by the SWINE!
Except me; I don’t seem to be getting it. *knock on wood*
This freaks me right out. I am a chronic worrier and now I’m worried that because I don’t have it now, I’m going to get it very bad later. Makes sense, right?
As far as Dan and I go, we are very happy. I adore him, always, forever. He makes me happy, makes me laugh and cum and well…he’s Mah Man. Dan is still working from home and it’s worked out well. I still work from home too but we have our own schedule during the day and we’ve become very strict about it so we have stayed productive in our jobs. We get to take care of Lily at least once a week, sometimes twice a week and that’s just beyond awesome. She fills our lives with love and light and everything she does is completely beautiful. We just silly in love with her; she’s 7 months old now and so wonderful.
Times are rough financially but we’re making out okay. The company I work for is doing well and I got a large raise at the beginning of the summer so that helps. Right now we’re looking into getting our own health insurance since Dan’s COBRA runs out next month and it’s just….
O_o
Not fun.
Our kitties are fabulous; Woody still brings in prey every so often, blood-thirsty, sweet-faced ice-cold killer that he is. I still go ballistic about the things he drags in (they’re not always DEAD!) and Dan still has to rescue me from the Big Bad Horrible Creature-Thingie. Fish is getting older and crankier, lol. Almost 15 now. Still has an obsession with rubber bands and being spanked. Jakie is still big-eyed like an owl and worried about everything (“Gas prices are going up again, did you hear?”…srsly, Jakie worries enough for all of us, and Jiggy is…well, he’s the Coolest. He’s like the Fonz, uber-cool.
Ray and Cory are doing great, they are in the middle of moving, but other than that things are really good for them. We all get together a lot and we’ve also broadened our friend-base to include our neighbors who like to make fools out of themselves playing Rock Band just as much as we do.
We’re watching a lot of TV; Survivor, Mad Men, Dexte, Big Bang, So You think You Can Dance. In music, I’m listening to the Avett Bros, the Jayhawks, Joe Henry, Emil Zrihan and the Charles River Valley Boys doing a Beatles Bluegrass thing from 1966. Um….
We’re basically enjoying life.
I miss the contact I had via blogging but I don’t miss feeling like I *had* to update. And I don’t miss that odd feeling of putting myself on display. I mean, I enjoyed the idea of people enjoying my blogging the way I enjoy others blogging and the interaction and cool advice and support and all that by 99.999 percent of the commenters/readers was awesome but…I do not miss the ones who missed the point and said something stupid or ridiculous and I’d go all “arghy” over it.
They say you can get 99 compliments and 1 criticism and the 1 criticism blots out all the great compliments. And that’s very true for me and no doubt most people. Especially women, I think.
Although that’s not why I stopped. But now that I have it’s a relief not to have to go through that anymore.
These days I get my interactive jollies mostly via Facebook. And since everyone knows each other in person, everyone is careful to be very friendly and understanding. Well, most of the time.
Keep on a bloggin’, dk! {{{{hugs}}}}
November 3, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Glad you like reading here Suspiria! And glad you left a comment! (see, I knew it about the chickens!!) I prolly won’t stop bloggin for awhile. Sometimes, I like to hear myself, lol.
Amberrrrr!
Wow! I feel so speshul! A blog entry just for me!! Seriously, it’s GOOD to hear from you and all about Lily and what you’ve been up to. Sorry about the downside of blogging and family finding you is, erm, yuck. Still, if you DO get the blogging bug again, don’t forget about meee! I want to stalk you too!
November 5, 2009 at 11:56 am
Hi Amber…I was a reader of your blog too, glad to know all is well with you and Dan and your granddaughter. Sorry about your swine, my 5 year old is just going through it now…it sucks.
Sorry to co-opt your blog, dk! Just wanted to wave to Amber, since I was just a lurker back when I was reading!!
Nilla
November 11, 2009 at 10:45 pm
It is interesting that you see your time with the 23-year-old as sad…and qualify that by stating that he will not even see Christmas. You yourself may not see Christmas. There is no guarantee about how many days any of us have. However, today we have today. Today he has the pleasure, the gift of knowing you. Today he has the sunshine and the pain. Today he has significance because someone, you…, care about him. Today matters, because it is all that we have, any of us.
You have today, he has today, I have today, it is the only thing worth having, and it is the only thing that truly has worth. Today.
November 12, 2009 at 5:52 am
actually, his every waking moment is taken up with his pain. I’m certain he would have rather known me without having to suffer his agonizing pain. That is sad. Seeing a 23 y/o in that condition is very sad. If I had a today involving so much pain and suffering, I might rather prefer not having that today; or another just like it. and another. and another. The fact that he won’t live to see christmas is a blessing, for he will not have to suffer through until then. The fact that he is so young makes it heartbreaking.
October 31, 2009 at 8:04 pm
That musta been some damn good wine girlfriend! LOL