My days are very busy and full lately.  I guess that’s the price to pay for (Master) adding school into my life.  (That, plus the cost of tuition!).  My kids and me are healthy and happy and things on the home front are running pretty smoothly.  We are all in a routine of school, and work, and tidying the house and doing chores and running errands.

Thanksgiving is almost upon us, and I will enjoy a week off of work and school.  Well, almost off of school; there’s to be no discussion questions and the homework is all due on Monday pretty much.  I am looking forward to having some time off just to relax and enjoy my kids, maybe do a little early Christmas shopping and/or decorating, and cooking.  I love cooking.  Decorating and shopping, not so much.

I saw Master the other day and let me tell you, each time is so special and really precious.  We’d both been enduring some rather large stressors in our personal lives, and it was nourishing time together; time to just be us, Master and slave.  I spent a fair amount of time just kneeling at his feet with my head on his lap while he did some work at the computer.  From time to time, the slave would get a little petting.  Nice.

When I had my physical the other day, my doctor found a lump in my breast.  I made myself sick with worry about it until an ultrasound confirmed it was nothing more than just a fluid-filled cyst.  I was never so relieved.  Being an oncology nurse conjures up the worst scenarios imaginable.  I am so glad that mess is all behind me.

Oh.  And about the government’s latest advice about skipping self-breast exams?  Don’t.  It isn’t worth it.  I know.  I know.  I was the worst possible example of healthy breast maintenance.  I never did self-breast exams; not really.  I might mush around on my breasts a little bit sometimes, but never with any purpose.  Master too.  Still, the lump was palpable.  My doctor let me feel it so I would know and could show the ultrasound tech where exactly it was.

I spoke with the radiologist, and I just have to have a follow-up mammogram in one year. Thank goodness.  I was all sorts of worried about who was going to take care of my daughter if something happened to me.  I went for the physical precisely to be sure I am taking the best possible care of myself because I want and intend to live a good long time.  Now, thankfully, I have the green light to go ahead and do just that.

I got my vitamins sorted (because at my age you’re sure to be lacking some), I’m getting my wardrobe sorted (because I keep shrinking and having to buy new clothes), I’ve got my slavery sorted (because you never can get enough slavey treatment), and am getting school sorted.  Things truly are beginning to fall into place for this slave.  Thank you Master!!!!

I can’t thank him enough.  I have come SO far in these past almost three years now.  Yes.  It’s almost been that long since we met, can you believe it?  Wow, I hardly can.  Very cool.  And it’s not what I thought it was going to be.  Well, maybe in some ways it is.  I guess I had all sorts of fantasies going about what being a slave would be like.  And that’s because the stuff of my fantasies comes from literary porn, and that ain’t real life.  Real life slavery comes with its own set of scenarios, and they don’t always have the slave chained up and naked somewhere.  Hardly at all, in fact.  Just at night.  In bed.  When she’s sleeping.  And yanno what?  That’s enough.

My stomach hurts today.  All day.  It’s been turning over and over all day long.   Maybe from the worry of the past several days over my lump.  Gosh.   I got a slight period this week too, something I have fewer of since I had my ablation.  When I do get them, they’re very very light.

One of these days, I’m going to have to retrieve all of my blog posts and paste them to my hard drive.  I don’t have them.  I mean, I used to write on Word, but Word and WordPress are not very compatible.  So now I use ScribeFire, a Firefox add-on which I just love, but it does not store your writings to your computer, it only retrieves them from the blog.  Well, another thing to put on my to-do list.

Winter.  It’s coming.  Thankfully it’s not coming too abruptly here in Chicago just yet.  I can still get by with a jacket.  And last night Master took me out, but I thought we were staying at the hotel and so did not bring a jacket, and boy was I cold!  I only had this skin-tight, thin top and skirt on.  Master said it would be fine.  We’d just be outside for a little bit going from the car to the restaurant, and he was right, but boy, do I hate the cold!  It probably was down in the forties.  Still not bad for November in Chicago.  The real stuff will be coming soon enough!

I’m not really craving turkey yet.  I suppose I will, once the bird is in the oven and the smell permeates the house.  Sorry Chloe!  I love my meat!  I admit I’m a heartless carnivore.  My parents were carnivores, and their parents were carnivores.  (Does turkey even count? My mother’s uncle had a farm and she saw him chop the head off a turkey once.  She said the turkey kept on running around headless, with blood spurting out all over the place.  How freaky is that?!!)  Erm.. anyway…

What was I saying?  Oh yeah.  Turkey.  Yum.  I’m looking forward to turkey day.  Only Master is going out of town, and as I said before, while I am glad he will get to be with family, I will sure miss him.  Especially since I’ll be off of work and school and don’t really have any big plans.  Anyone love shopping?  I need someone to go shopping with!  Maybe my brother will go with me sometime next week.  He’s off too.

Thinkin’ about you Master.  Thinkin’ about resting my head in the crook of your arm, your hand idly brushing across the tip of my left nipple.  Mmmmmmm.  That drives me crazy.  Thinkin’ about how I cannot look you in the eye for more than three seconds unless you command it.  (Or unless I’m not wearing my contacts, in which case I am not so intimidated by the stare due to my near-blindness).  Thinkin’ about sleepin’ with you every night and how nice that will be.  Some day.  Yes, it will.

I got a lot of homework done today, considering.  Considering I started around 11:30.  Sometimes, if I focus, I can get a lot done in a short period of time.  I’d rather focus on being your slave.

I will make a good life partner; even if the partnership is one of Master/slave, still… I will.  (There is an end in sight, I promise.  Sometimes, I can be quite rambling).

I will have more time to post after the weekend.  We’ll see if my mind conjures up anything printable.  I may repost this one blog entry from awhile back that is quite funny.  Yeah.  Maybe I will.  Have a good weekend peeps.  See you after.   x

~Dk

Technorati Tags: time with Master, missing Master, thriving

I’m off this weekend, just hanging out at the house and trying to work on a couple of papers for school.  But last night I went out with a male friend and got slightly tipsy.  I was home by nine. 

~Dk
Technorati Tags: M/s relationships, slavery, thriving, obedience, orgasms

What’s new, let’s see…

Got my hair cut tonight, which was good because I was starting to get rather shaggy.  Bought a couple new things to wear also, a sweater, and some of those boy shorts and tank tops for bed.  Cute!

Been following this thread on Fet where this girl is blaming her fucked-upedness on her Mormon upbringing, sayin’ she was brainwashed into being this little Stepford baby-making machine.  I say anyone who blames anyone or anything for their crazies is never going to get better.  All the prozac in the world ain’t gonna help.  You have to take personal responsibility for where you are at this very moment.  You choose how to behave and yes, how to feel.  It is an active choice, not something put upon you over which you have no control.  Gimme a break!

Spent a couple days with Master and that always reminds me of who I am.  I don’t know why I think somehow it will all change.  I think I worry about that sometimes, that I will wake up one day and cease to be his slave, even though I would never voice such thoughts to him.  Instead, I ask if we can just drop the whole slave thing, after which he either just smiles and ignores me, or simply says no.

The thing is, most times my slavery is subtle.  You would probably never know I was a slave if you saw us together.  I don’t have to kneel in his presence or walk a pace behind him or things like that.  And I don’t wear an obtrusive collar, just a simple silver neck chain.  I probably dress more conservatively than anything, a simple skirt and blouse for him mostly.  When we walk down a street together, he either holds my hand, or wraps an arm possessively around my lower back.  Sometimes he grabs my hair at a bar when he kisses me, or sometimes he just grabs my hair to embarrass me and to assert his ownership.  But mostly, we just seem normal.

We had dinner last night at this local family restaurant in this small town way south of us and then went back to our hotel where Master began working on his laptop.  We’d had a very early start that morning, I was up at 4:30, so after doing the Sunday crossword, I stripped down into my little black boy shorts and lacy stretchy black tank top, slipped into the lush bed and promptly began dozing off.

When Master finished working, he too stripped down to his underwear and climbed into bed with me.  I was startled from near sleep by his hand clenching my hair and his mouth attacking me with fierce, possessive kisses.  I swear, he was actually growling.  I felt drugged as his kissing turned to biting and he began pinching and pulling my nipples.  Soon he was on top of me and I could hardly breathe as he continued his onslaught to my boobs, nipples and mouth.  He began slapping my tits and in a moment he flipped off of me and tugged my head over to his crotch, forcing his cock down my throat.  I slobbered and gagged as he growled some more and tugged my head and me up and mounted me onto his cock.  I rode him hard until he came, all sweaty and spent.

It was almost like a drugged rape scene, and though I was not struggling, it felt like an attack.  Had I been half awake I am sure I would’ve fought him because that is my natural response to an attack.  Anyway, it affirmed the simple fact that I am his property, and if he wants to interrupt my near-slumber to have his way with me, there’s no stopping him.  And that’s hot.

In the car earlier that day I told Master that sometimes I don’t feel owned, because everything seems so comfortable and, well, normal.  He said that all the changes in me since he came into my life would not have happened without his ownership.  He is right.  (He is right 99.9% of the time too).  I cannot do anything I please.  I am accountable to him for everything.  He owns my ass, and that’s what I see in his big black eyes every time he looks at me for more than a moment.  I have to look away, I can’t help it.  He’s too intense.  I am his, and he is sometimes a very intense Owner.

He keeps a pretty tight leash on me.  I’ve been told what I can eat for Thanksgiving.  I get a little dispensation on the diet that day: one plate of anything I want, and a modest helping of one dessert.  *bounces!*  That’s something I look forward to!

So, it’s a wrap.  We’re normal.  Just like you. 

(Well, kinda-sorta.)

Technorati Tags: time with Master, ownership, slavery, discipline, sex

It has been awhile since I’ve sat down and thought about my slavery.  I know many of you tire of reading about that kind of thing here, but I still enjoy thinking about it, because my relationship is by no means “normal”.  Just thinking about yesterday, arriving at the hotel and taking every single one of our bags from the car and carrying them all myself while Master walked on ahead to the reservation desk.  It was very amusing.

Guess what?  I’m almost skinny.  It’s very cool.  I’m into size 10 jeans.  Two years ago I was in size 18.  I tell Master all the time how happy and exciting this is for me, for I never could have done this on my own.  I also worry that I will gain it all back, but Master said he isn’t going to let that happen.

It’s weird too.  I know if it were just me on my own little diet plan, I would allow myself lots of indulgences because after all, if all you do is deprive yourself of everything, after awhile you are going to binge; Right?  Well, no.  While I have not asked Master permission for any indulgences yet, I have passed by Reese’s peanut butter cups, cake, donuts, cookies, and all sorts of desserts, bread, pasta, sugar, cereal and on and on, I have not had the desire to binge.  I sometimes wish I could have one of those things, but the few times I’ve snitched a ‘taste’ of something, it has just tasted very sweet.  Like on my daughter’s birthday.  I had to taste the home-made chocolate frosting we made.  Had to.  It was alright.  Not great, but alright.  I guess I don’t really miss those things too much.

Last night Master and I were walking in town and went by a pizza place.  We had not yet eaten, and boy did pizza and beer sound good!  My mouth was watering just smelling it.  We headed further down to this cafe type place and ended up with tuna sushi and this awesome salad with chicken.  It was uber satisfying and the little bit of rice (encasing the tuna) was a nice splurge.  So were the drinks we had.

Okay, so maybe it's not so hidden!

In fact, it was an amazing night.  God, I love walking around town with him.  I love laughing and relaxing and getting dressed up all sexy for him too.  He made me remove my panties in the restroom of this club, come back out and hand them to him.  He put them on the little cocktail table for everyone to see.  Thank god the lights were dim.  But it’s hot and sexy as hell to do that stuff.  I admit I get turned on doing stuff like that.  He hiked my skirt up showing off the lacy edge of my black thigh highs.  I simply adore being sexy for him.  I love, love, love it!  I was so happy that the rotgut Master bought for me went down like silk after the first two sips and an olive.

But, back on earth, my paper is finished for this week.  I started looking up references for the next one.  School is moving right along, well into the second week of my second class.  I have to work all weekend including tomorrow, so I will be very busy as I work 12 hour shifts.  But it’s all good.  Keeping me busy is the trick Master learned to keep me focused on positive things, which keeps my spirits from sagging.  But god, he is the best medicine.  I leak just looking at him.

(Well I do!)

So, I get to buy new clothes, which is awesome.  I don’t get to indulge on forbidden foods, I guess, unless I ask permission and I haven’t done that yet.  I will be needing permission soon though, for Thanksgiving.  Anyone want my Halloween candy leftovers?  It’s about time to bring that shit to work.  Like Master said, lol.

Dinner is cooking and smells fantastic.  I’m being creative.  I put chicken breasts in a pan on top of the stove with a package of onion soup mix sprinkled on them and two cups of water.  It’s simmering.  I have broccoli in another pot; my kids love that.  Not sure, but I might make a sauce out of that soup with a little corn starch.  Mmmm.

That’s about it for now.  I get to travel with Master next week, yay!  I love being close enough to touch him.  Him touching me?  Even better!

Technorati Tags: Time with Master, slavery, thriving

So, it’s Halloween and it’s colder than a witch’s titty out there.  We’ve had about five trick-or-treaters so far.  More candy for…  um… anyone but me. 

Technorati Tags: random thoughts, slavery, boredom, missing Master

Got my ass paddled and belt-whipped for weighing myself on Tuesday.  That’s only allowed on Mondays.  I mentioned it casually during dinner yesterday, and as a result sort of ruined the light, enjoyable mood at the time.  Master said he was disappointed.  He mentioned we’ve been together almost three years and that he thought the bond was stronger than that. 

Technorati Tags: punishment, discipline, degradation, thriving, love

Just off the phone with the mother-in-law.  Can you spell G-U-I-L-T?  Oh. My. God.

The trouble is, her son never let on when we were having problems, opting instead to always paint a rosy picture of health, wealth, and marital bliss.  It’s no wonder the news of her beloved son and  d-i-l splitting was just too much for her to handle. 

The f-i-l I expect is angry.  He has two moods:  Irish happy and Irish angry. (and you don’t even want to see him drunk and Irish angry.)  I suspect I won’t be talking to him any time soon.  Which is fine with me, because the last time he was at my house he was both Irish drunk and Irish rampaging.  Oy.  What an ass.

Alright so…  It only took me three months to finally talk to them; well,, to her.  She doesn’t like it; can’t understand it; didn’t see it coming; is glad we didn’t file yet.  I don’t even think the soon-to-be ex saw it coming; go figure.  He can throw lawn furniture around, but doesn’t see how that might lead to big problems.

Well…  I am not feeling so hot today.  Got a period, cramps, the whole nine yards.  I haven’t had one of those in at least two months.  I couldn’t sleep so was up at 6 this morning.  I have a couple days off work and my new class starts tomorrow.  There should be homework posted by tonight.  In fact, I already got a jump on some of it, cuz some of it’s posted already. 

Master and I are getting together again soon.  Yesterday he sent a message that he was feeling very “ownerish”.  I wonder what that means for me?  Although, he said he feels ownerish a lot, so…

It doesn’t much matter because things will happen the way he wants no matter what I think or worry about. 

This weekend I was feeling just a wee bit lonely in general.  Kind of isolated I guess.  I haven’t had much time for going out and having fun lately.

That’s about it for now.  It’s raining.  On my day off.  AGAIN.  The weather obviously doesn’t know it’s my day off. 

Life is just totally getting in the way of my kink lately.

The good news is, I finished my paper and turned it in.  I am officially finished with my first class!!!  The bad news is, my new class starts Tuesday and we have a paper to write the first week.  Oh well.  I guess when you attend online school you write a ton of papers.

Master and I had lunch yesterday, which was very nice.  The restaurant bar was empty.  In fact, the whole place was pretty empty.  I hope that place doesn’t go out of business; it’s a really nice place.

We shared a bowl of tortilla soup and some nice salad.  And then Master took liberties with me in a very well-lit public place.  I was… I had the distinct urge to stop him because I am afraid of authority figures.  I was sure they would see his hand under my skirt fingering me and kick us out.

He kissed me with his fingers wound tightly into my hair.  I can barely breathe when he does that.  Being in public only magnified the feeling.  In this case, Master was the highest authority for no one kicked us out.  They basically looked the other way and even wished us a cheery farewell as we left to climb into the back of his car.

Master got a blowjob, I got his pants wet, and great time was had by all.

Other than that, not much is happening.  Except the rain.  It’s been raining the entire two days I’ve had off.  Poo.

Well, my house is full of all kinds of Halloween spooky.  Someone came by the other day and said, “”You must really like Halloween!”  I have the place all decked out.  In fact, I have to confess, it’s not enough.  I didn’t do much with the lawn.  I have a fog machine in the basement, but no cemetery to blow it into.  Hmmm.

Work has been incredibly stressful.  Just very, very sick patients and doctors who don’t know what’s wrong with them.  Makes for a lot of stressed out people, including their nurse!  Whew, am I ever glad to have a couple of days off.  I get to stay home and do…. schoolwork.

From one stressed-out situation to another.  Oy.  School is challenging me.  And it’s been a long time since I’ve felt really challenged.  And this is just the introductory course.  I wanna quit!  But Master won’t let me.   And I know it’s only two weeks in, but after I write this paper, The class is over!  Two credit-hour class, done in three weeks.  They move pretty darn fast.  The next one starts on Tuesday, for three credit-hours, and that class is five weeks.  I’m gonna have an aneurysm I tell ya.  I am.  (hear that Master??!)

I’ve all but abandoned the fun internet stuff.  I don’t have time.  (*insert pathetic face accompanied by sniffle here*)

The good news is, Master’s coming to my house tomorrow.  I’m very, very glad.  I miss him terribly.  The other good news is, the diet is going very well.  It’s not easy, but it’s successful at least.  I miss sweets.  And, there is this one patient’s son who brings the nurses donuts EVERY SINGLE FRIKKIN’ DAY AND I HAVEN’T HAD A ONE!!!!!!!  (*insert equally pathetic face here*)

But well, I’m a good girl that way.  Ain’t I Master?

Alright, so, I had asked Master a little while ago if I could wear my leather collar to bed at night along with the leather cuffs, and he graciously agreed.  But, I’ve got the plague from it, I swear.  My neck is breaking out in back in this itchy, red, raised rash.  It’s like some sort of contact dermatitis from the collar.  I don’t know what’s up with that.  I stopped wearing it for awhile per Master’s orders until it cleared up.  Started wearing it again, and I’ll be darned if that damn rash came back again!   (*insert pathetic little whimper and sniffle and face here*)

So, I dunno.  I guess I have to stop wearing it again and go from there.  There are some little metal brads holding the D ring in place that maybe I’m reacting to.  I react with itching when I wear certain earrings, but usually it’s only the right ear that gets itchy.

I’m just a weirdo.

(Even though school’s stressing me out, I have an A going so far!  But I’m positively beside myself with worry half the time because I … I dunno.  Because I’m a dork.  And I wish I hadn’t started in the first place because I’m too old for this pace!)

And that’s basically the story of my life lately.  I come online and go straight to my school web site.  Oh, and I work.  And I cook for me and the kids.

Oh!  But I did buy some really pretty things for my bathroom.  With pretty pink roses!  A new shower curtain and two fuzzy pink rugs that feel really cozy on my bare feet in the morning.  It’s cheery and GIRLY in here now.  (*insert smiley here!*)

That’s about it I guess.  I don’t have anything particularly slavey to talk about because all I’ve been lately is a work/school slave.

Except that, Master gives the very best kisses.  Damn, can that man make my knees weak with a possessive kiss!  (*insert breathlessness here*)

Well, I miss you guys.  And I feel sorry for me.  Because I have so little time for frivolity and whatnot lately.  (*insert a hand about to smack me here and… I get the message!!!*)

I’m done now.  I have to go to bed.  My eyes feel rough and scratchy and sandpaperish.

Well, they do.

Technorati Tags: stressing, thriving, silly, missing Master

I didn’t forget about ya, I promise!  Just been busy with school and work!

*Smooches*

I’ll write something good soon, I promise!!